C Is For Cooking, Cannibalism, And Kissing
by Schnickledooger
Summary: In which Wormmon suspects Yolei of wanting to eat Ken, Poromon admits she has been practicing recipes in the kitchen, and there is much ado about chocolates and hearts. Kenlei/Kenyako


**Disclaimer: **I do not own **Digimon**. Toei Animation does.

**Summary: **In which Wormmon suspects Yolei of wanting to eat Ken, Poromon admits she has been practicing recipes in the kitchen, and there is much ado about chocolates and hearts. Kenlei/Kenyako

**C Is For Cooking, Cannibalism, and Kissing**

Wormmon always knew when Ken was danger. It was some kind of internal mechanism that told him something was wrong like all those years when Ken had been the Digimon Emperor and surrounded by an ever-present, foreboding, evil darkness. Even when he had stepped out of that role, the aura of a looming threat never faltered and soon made introduced itself in various other forms: Arukiemon, Mummymon, the Dark Ocean, Daemon, Oikawa and MaloMyotismon. Ken was always caught up in some dire situation and when he wasn't he was battling the darkness within himself: years of repressed anguish over his brother's death and guilt over his own torture and enslavement of innocent Digimon.

Wormmon liked to think he protected Ken, but in his heart he doubted that. He had been too late to stop him from becoming the Emperor, too blind to see what had been causing his partner so much pain that he took out his anger and mad genius out on the defenseless. He had been too weak to protect him from the evil forces at work attracted to his own darkness; if it weren't for the other Digidestined children, Ken might have never fully recovered.

Still, there if was one thing Wormmon was good at, it was knowing when an unwanted foe had their sights fixated on his partner. Wormmon, being the jealous, possessive type of Digimon he was when anything concerned Ken, could pick up the feeling from his twin antennas a mile away. The emotion was usually the same: obsessive, the urge to own completely, lust, envy, admiration, hero-worship, you know, just your basic stalker material. It wasn't too surprising—Ken was a genius and caused quite a stir with his brains and outward features. For a human, Ken wasn't quite that unsightly, in fact, Wormmon was of the opinion that Ken was more handsome than any Digimon he had ever seen, but then he was his partner so he was biased. Apparently the people in the real world agreed with him on this fact, thus the large horde of fans Ken had acquired whose goal in life it seemed was to follow their idol around and try to vie for an autograph, ask some philosophical question or glomp him at the most impromptu opportunities. In fact, Ken could probably give Matt Ishida a run for his money with the whole fan count.

Ken usually solved this problem himself by sliding back into his Emperor persona for a moment and leveling his rabid fans with a cool, _you are lower than scum, infidel insects! _icy-violet glare and a crooked sneer, which more often than not, sent everyone packing. And if one or two exceptionally brave, foolish ones lingered, drawn to the silent, brooding type, Wormmon frightened the stragglers off by popping out of Ken's duffle bag and shooting a Sticky Net at them. He fondly would remember their screams of terror in particularly stressful times. He didn't derive pleasure off of terrifying innocents, it was just that Ken belonged to him and he wouldn't stand for interlopers.

The Digidestined were another matter altogether. He allowed them access into Ken's life because they had saved him from the evil he had almost become, been there for him in that brief period he could not while his data was being reconfigured at Primary Village, had forced him to confront the fear and darkness within himself, and ultimately made him happy just being his friends, and for Wormmon, anyone who made Ken laugh or smile wholeheartedly had to be good for him.

At least, that's what he used to think anyway. But lately, he had picking up strange signals from the group, or someone in the group, and it was making his insect senses tingle warningly. He could feel it—that familiar obsessive aura leaking in toxic waves that made him choke with how intense it was. If he didn't pinpoint it soon, Ken might be in trouble! So when he followed the trail of longing and desire back to its owner, he was startled and dismayed to discover Yolei Inoue at the end of it. Yolei was one of Ken's closest friends right after Davis. Ken had often remarked in confidence to him that she had a brilliant mind and how he was glad she wasn't your average girl who worried about female frivolities and the like. Ken trusted her—it was going to break his heart that she had turned out to be merely another one of his fangirl mob.

But Wormmon soon realized the situation was much more volatile than he had thought. He would catch Yolei simply_ staring_ at Ken at times in a manner that he thought resembled a virus-type Digimon right before they pounced and uploaded their victim's data. A kind of calculating, feral gaze—he had even seen her tongue dart out once to lick her lips as she continued to bore a hole through his partner like she thought he would make quite a tasty morsel. Then the fixation worsened—the stares soon turned into subtle, little touches. A quick brush with her hand to tuck a stray strand of Ken's hair back behind his ear. A pass of the digivice between hands. Elbows, jarring and knees accidentally bumping into each other during sittings. The girl initiated each and every contact and poor Ken floundered under the physical assaults and pretended they had never happened, which only seemed to infuriate her and embolden her immoral motives further.

Wormmon was unsure of how to approach or handle the whole string of incidents. On one hand, Yolei was Ken's friend and was betraying his trust. He didn't know what exactly she wanted with his partner, but he could be certain her intentions were no good. On the other hand, Ken had already gone through enough hurts for two people. He didn't know if their friendship would last if he revealed what the girl had been doing over the course of the last few weeks. Ken didn't need another loss in his life. So, he decided he would remain extra close to Ken at all times and be his safeguard, keep a vigilant eye on the girl and hope she was only going through some bizarre human phase.

That was his plan anyway until he watched a segment on National Geographics about primitive, cannibalistic tribe-people and how they captured, killed and ate their human sacrifice… and suddenly everything made horrible sense.

"Ken! Ken!" he cried in a panic, rushing into the boy's room and crawling up the back of his chair where he sat in front of the computer, as fast as his ten feet could carry him. "She wants to eat you, Ken!"

"What are you talking about, Wormmon? Have you been into mom's cooking wine again?" Ken asked smiling, rubbing the top of his Digimon's head in reassurance.

"It's Yolei!" Wormmon burst out, unable to keep the secret to himself any longer. "She wants to eat you!"

The light from the computer screen was casting odd colors onto Ken's face. The boy shifted in his chair awkwardly.

"What makes you think that?" he questioned quietly, momentarily halting his typing on the keyboard.

"I've seen her looking at you, touching you! And now I know why! She's measuring you up until you're nice and plump and then she's going to spear you through the gut, lash you to a spit and roast you slowly until you're well done!" Wormmon wailed, tears seeping out of the corners of his eyes.

Ken stared at him for several seconds without blinking and Wormmon thought it was because he might be in shock… then the Digimon almost lost his grip on the chair when Ken threw back his head and laughed uproariously, clutching his sides.

"Ken, Ken, why are you laughing? I don't want you to get eaten!" Wormmon protested.

It took several minutes for Ken to get his laughter under control before saying breathlessly, "Wormmon, I think you're simply misunderstanding human behavioral patterns again. Let me assure you that although Yolei has been acting strangely lately, I seriously don't think she has it in her mind to eat me."

"She does! She does!" Wormmon cried, feeling a pang of betrayal that Ken didn't believe him. "She's going to devour you whole! I won't let her, I promise!"

Then the insect Digimon scuttled down the chair and out of the room as quickly as he could, ignoring Ken's concerned voice and made a beeline for the telephone in the living room and dialed the number for the Inoue residence with a grim determination.

xoxoxo

Though he hadn't spent much time in the Digital World to cast a solid opinion on the matter, Poromon wondered if Digimon had enough select dates for their celebrations to rival human ones. For instance, ever since he had entered his partner's life and come to the real world, he had been blown away by all the festivities humans liked to throw. There were parties held for all occasions imaginable, be it the changing of the seasons, someone's day of birth, or holidays made for special remembrance. So far he had seen two: Christmas, in which it was traditional to decorate a tree with shiny ornaments, stack presents wrapped in crinkly paper underneath, make fun of a fat man with a white beard in a red suit, sing songs about snow and jingle bells, drink hot chocolate until you grew sick, and try and catch someone under a plant called mistletoe where humans shoved their tongue down the other's throat (why this seemed to be the highlight of the season, Poromon wasn't sure); then there had been New Years Eve, where it was customary for humans to set off exploding sparkling lights called firecrackers at midnight and smash their faces against each others and suck on the other's lips. (Humans had a rather fixed obsession on this particular part of their bodies).

Now it was February and the next holiday drawing close was sending the female inhabitants of the Inoue house into a panicked frenzy.

They ran about shouting things like, "Oh, I can't believe it's _tomorrow_ and I haven't _gotten_ him anything yet!" and "Blast! Why do I have to buy obligatory chocolates anyway?! I won't have enough left over for the special one!" and "Why don't you make him something homemade then?" and "Yeah right, you me to scare him off with my abysmal cooking?". Even the square box with little pictures that moved in it was getting in on the action. It would bring up images of hearts and the color red a lot and dancing little chocolate chips, which would only stir up the frantic state of the female population further.

Poromon was confused as he always was at human celebrations, but when he tried to ask Yolei to explain this new festivity to him, she told him she didn't have the time and had holed herself up in the kitchen. Poromon had only bothered to look in the once—it had been a spectacular mess: flour on the floor, eggshells on the counter, cups and bowls dripping with a dark-brownish substance, and Yolei, her face charred and glasses smudged, been spraying the fire extinguisher into the oven, which had been billowing clouds of thick black smoke. Poromon had gone and hid under the bed when a shrill, ear-piercing ringing started blaring overhead and the other occupants of house began shouting something about the fire alarm.

That's why he happened to be the nearest in proximity to the phone when it started ringing. Being the only one available at the moment, he picked it up.

"Hello?" he said tentatively.

"Hello, this is the Ichijouji residence calling. I would like to speak with Yolei please."

"Um… Yolei isn't available at this moment," Poromon said, wincing as he heard the spray of water, banging of pots and accusing yells coming from the kitchen. "But I can take a message."

"Tell her to keep her grubby, cotton-picking mitts off my Ken," said the voice on the other end of line with a fiercely territorial edge to its tone.

"Wormmon?" Poromon said in recognition.

"Hmm, Poromon is that you?" Wormmon asked in surprise.

"Yes, it's me. Is something troubling you?" Poromon inquired polite as ever.

"I really shouldn't say because you're her partner, but… I think Yolei wants to eat Ken," Wormmon stated sounding very distressed.

"What?" Poromon said taken aback.

"Please don't laugh. I told Ken already, but he didn't believe me. Just tell me, has Yolei been doing anything out of the ordinary recently?" Wormmon questioned.

"Well, she has been rather secretive lately and spending a lot of time in the kitchen cooking," Poromon admitted.

"What? What? She's been doing what?" Wormmon stammered in a panic and there was a _thud_ on the other end as if he had dropped the phone.

"Wormmon, are you still there?" Poromon asked, hearing a scrambling sound.

"Cannibal!" Wormmon shouted into the receiver and it now was Poromon's turn to drop the phone, but that was alright, he could still Wormmon's voice loud and clear coming out of the line.

"She's a cannibal! Purple-haired, bespectacled, flesh-eating witch! She has her victim all picked out and now she's practicing recipes! You keep her away from my Ken, you hear me?! She comes near us and I'll Sticky Net her right between the eyes!"

"Wormmon?" Poromon said hesitantly, hopping over to where the phone lay on the floor, trying to get a word in through the long rant.

"CANNIBAL!!!" Wormmon bellowed for good measure before hanging up, leaving poor Poromon more confused than ever.

xoxoxo

"Yolei, Yolei, please don't go in there, it's not safe!" Poromon cried, tugging on his partner's hair frantically as she stood just outside the door of the Ichijouji residence.

"Ow! Hey, what is _wrong_ with you?" Yolei demanded irritated as she snatched her Digimon up and stuffed him into her backpack. "I only brought you with me in the first place because you threw a fit so loud when you heard where I was going, that I was afraid you'd be found out if I left you! Ken isn't the Digimon Emperor anymore—he's a really nice guy!"

"It's not Ken I'm worried about!" Poromon chirped, struggling to break free. "Wormmon, he's—"

But he was cut off by Yolei closing the zipper over him, effectively trapping in.

Poromon simmered helplessly as he heard her press the buzzer and Ken's surprised yet pleased voice when he opened the door to find her on the threshold. Had it only been yesterday that Wormmon had called with some crack-pot theory of Yolei being a cannibal? How much in that twenty-four hour space done to change his mind? Probably not a lot. He had to get out and stop him before he seriously hurt his partner! Desperately he began to peck at the lining within the bag with his small beak.

"Yolei, I wasn't expecting you. You should have called—I might have gone out and missed you," he heard Ken say.

"Oh, I did call. I just hung up once I confirmed you were here," Yolei said.

"That was you? The number wasn't your house. I thought it was one of those phone perverts or something with all that heavy breathing." Now Ken sounded amused.

"Hahahaha! Oh, I had just, uh, run a block from the store to make a call from the payphone. Ours isn't working because… Poromon chewed through the phone line!"

Yolei's voice was brimming with embarrassment and Poromon stopped his steady pecking to glare angrily at the inside of the bag at the blatant lie. Honestly, it wasn't like he was an ignorant puppy! Maybe he_ should_ let Wormmon attack her.

"So, what was it that you had to come see me in person to say then?" Ken asked.

"Oh, uh… hey, where's Wormmon?" Yolei questioned, changing the subject suddenly.

Yes, where _was _Wormmon? Poromon thought anxiously, resuming his pecking with renewed vigor. He should have been true with his oath to Sticky Net Yolei by now.

"He's in my room resting," Ken replied. "He's been acting a little weird lately and saying crazy things so I slipped him a couple of sleeping pills to calm him down."

That explained things then. He might still have a chance to get lose and drag Yolei out of here before Wormmon woke up.

"Could I put my bag in there? Poromon's inside," Yolei said. "I think he wanted to see Wormmon—he wouldn't let me go without him. Besides, I kind of want to be alone when we talk."

"O-Okay," Ken said, stuttering nervously for some reason.

Poromon was horrified.

"Yolei, no, don't leave me in here!" the little pink Digimon cried, leaping out as soon as she opened the bag and reached for something before dumping it on the floor of the bedroom.

"Listen, you fluffball, I have something very important to tell Ken and your inane squawking isn't exactly the mood I want to set! Do _not _mess this up for me!" Yolei hissed, leveling a piercing glower through her glasses at him before shutting the door with a resounding slam.

Poromon began to molt feathers in fear as he heard Wormmon slowly come into wakefulness on the bed behind him. He could only sit there, frozen in place, and watch helplessly as the insect Digimon yawn, blink his eyes, and look around in confusion until they landed on the intruder.

Wormmon's eyes narrowed into slits as he took in the sight of Poromon and curled his antennas into the shape of horns.

"She's here, isn't she?" he growled and with that, he hurled himself from the bed, attached himself to the ceiling and scuttled over to the door in a very scary rendition of Spiderman.

"No, don't hurt Yolei!" Poromon yelled. "Humans don't eat each other anyway!"

"You don't watch National Geographics, do you?" Wormmon accused, shoving his weight against the door and pushing down on the handle.

The door wouldn't budge.

"She's put a chair under the handle!" Wormmon howled, peering through the keyhole. "And she's got Ken trapped on the couch! Ken, Ken, I'm coming, Ken, hold on!"

Wormmon pounded wildly on the door with all ten of his feet but all he managed was to rattle the wood a little. Whirling around, he cast his eyes about the room until they fell upon the window, then the insect Digimon rushed over, slid open the panel and crawled out onto the exterior of the building.

"Where are you going?" Poromon called after him.

"I'm going set an example to show what happens to all other unwanted interlopers when they mess with my Ken!" Wormmon swore vehemently as he inched his way across the outside wall.

Poromon wished he was able to digivolve into Hawkmon so he could fly out and stop him, however, he had been far too worried to eat this morning, and thus he had zero energy to do so. All he could do was hop up and down rather pathetically in front of the barricaded door to catch glimpses of what was happening on the other side via the keyhole.

Bounce.

Wormmon had been right. Yolei had Ken pressed tight into the cushions of the couch as she sat near him and was leaning into his personal space a way too close for comfort. At least that's what he could make out. There wasn't much light in the living room.

"Um, Yolei, don't you think it's a little dark in here?" Ken asked.

Bounce.

Now Yolei was grinning in a smile that stretched from ear to ear as she gazed at the boy next to her like a crocodile about to make the killing strike. Ken was held captive by her eyes as if hypnotized. The girl began to bring something out from behind her back…

Bounce.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Ken!" Yolei sang presenting him with a square, black, velvet-bound box tied with a red ribbon.

Ken appeared stunned. "It's Valentine's Day?" he asked, as if he had forgotten.

Bounce.

Yolei's was blushing a warm, rosy hue and her hands were visibly trembling as they held onto the package, but she kept her eyes locked onto Ken's as she spoke.

"I gave chocolates to T.K., Davis, and Cody too, but they were store-bought. I made this especially for you. I-I hope you accept it."

Bounce.

There was a few seconds where Poromon's line of vision was lost as gravity pulled him back down, but another jump upwards and a glance through the keyhole showed Ken's hands wrapped gently around Yolei's own still holding the box and their heads leaning in towards each other…

_CRASH!_

"NOOOOOOOO, KEN, WATCH OUT!!!" Wormmon exclaimed as he broke through the window at the front entrance and ended up tackling both humans to the floor.

Yolei gave a startled yelp as the box was knocked out her hands and skittered a few feet away. Dazed, she was dimly aware of a weight on her back shouting something that sounded like "cannibal".

"Wormmon, what are you doing?!" Ken cried, grabbing his Digimon off the hapless girl. "Did you just come through the window?! There's glass everywhere! Are you hurt?"

"Hurry, Ken, run while I hold her off!" Wormmon ordered, squirming to break free of his partner's grip.

"Enough is enough, Wormmon! For the last time, Yolei is _not_ cannibal!" Ken reprimanded, annoyance laced thickly throughout his voice.

"How can you still say that? Didn't you see her just now?! Her mouth was wide open ready to tear you in half!" Wormmon clamored in outrage.

Ken flushed a bright tomato red all the way to the tips of his ears. "That was—it's different… it's a human thing," he tried to explain.

"Cannibal!" Wormmon yelled at Yolei whose wits had finally returned to her and who had been watching the banter with a wry, sardonic expression.

"Wormmon, if you don't behave yourself, I'm going to send you over to stay at Davis' for a few days!" Ken warned. "And I think he would tell you if there's any human who is a cannibal it's his sister!"

"I don't understand, Ken. I'm only trying to protect you," Wormmon said, his large, blue eyes watering up. "You'd rather be with her than me?"

"Wormmon," Yolei said, bending over to pick up the fallen box, untying and opening it. "Would you like some of the chocolate I made for Ken?"

"Do you think I can be bribed like some weak-minded Gazimon?" Wormmon said frowning, extremely insulted then his gaze landed upon the contents inside.

"It's—it's me!" the insect Digimon cried in surprise as he stared wide-eyed at the small chocolate cake covered in green icing and shaped into the form of his head.

"I know you are the most important thing in Ken's life and you keep each other close in your hearts. I'm not trying to step between that or break it, but if it's alright with you, Wormmon, I would like my own special place there," Yolei stated earnestly.

Wormmon gaped at the girl soundlessly for brief interlude. Then with two small pink dots clashing horribly on the skin of his green cheeks, he looked sideways and said, "Well… I suppose… as long as you don't have any bad intentions towards Ken… it's alright."

"I promise," Yolei said beaming and giving him a small wink.

Above his head, Ken chuckled and Wormmon was sure something that _only humans understood_ had passed between them, but Yolei didn't appear to want to hurt Ken at least, so he let it go and didn't protest when he was put back into the bedroom with Poromon and half the valentine cake to share.

"I told you she wasn't a cannibal," Poromon said, his face smeared with chocolate, quite relieved the whole ordeal was over.

"Be quiet, feather brain," was all Wormmon said and secretly thought that this Valentine's Day was perhaps not such a horrid human holiday after all.

xoxoxo

"I'm sorry we were interrupted like that," Ken said embarrassedly, as he swept up the glass fragments scattered all over the floor from the broken window. "Wormmon was under the impression that you wanted to eat me."

"Oh?" Yolei said smirking, her eyes smoldering with an intense and unmistakable hunger. Slyly, she reached forward, hooked a finger to the collar of his shirt and tugged Ken towards her. "Maybe he wasn't so far from the truth…"

Their lips met in a soft yet passionate kiss that made Ken's mind go blank for a moment and his skin tingle pleasurably, and he became suddenly aware of the fact that there might be many different ways in which to eat a person… and he found he didn't mind in the slightest.

**The End**

**A/N: **Woo-hoo, early Valentine's Day fic! First one I ever did and it's been very enjoyable! Digimon view-points are more fun to write than humans especially because they don't understand a lot of things we do or why. XD I think Kenlei has become one of my favorite couples. Isn't it weird—there's a canon couple you pass by without looking at for so many years then one day—bam!—you fall head over heels in love with it?^w^

I'm sure most of you know this, having seen numerous anime and or being Japanese freaks, but in Japan, Valentine's Day is celebrated a little differently from the rest of the world. In Japan, the girls give chocolates to the boys they like. There are also several kinds of chocolates that define your relationship. There's the _giri-choko_ (obligatory chocolates), rather cheap, you give to your male co-workers. There's chocolate for friends, _tomo-choko_. Then there's the special chocolate, _honmei-choko_, you give to one you love. There's also a follow-up holiday called St. White's Day on March 14, in which the boys who received chocolates on Valentine's Day give the girls white chocolate in return and there are the same kinds of different types as above.

So in this fic, Yolei telling Ken her chocolate was special, homemade, meant she was confessing that she liked him and it was up to him to accept or reject the chocolate, aka her. Hehe, I always thought it was adorable how over-protective and jealous Wormmon got over Ken. I loved that episode where Ken and Matt go to Mexico—Digimon World Tour Pt.3, I think it was—and Rosa, the little Spanish girl, develops a crush on Ken, and Wormmon can't stand it. As usual, the romance/fluff in this fic was swallowed up by the humor, but I hope you had a good time reading nonetheless. I would love to hear what your favorite parts were! It would make my day! Reviews are the only reward I get for writing and they are like a breath of fresh air! Thank you!


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